Joraaver Chahal

Copywork: An Example

I’m a sucker for eloquence. A marvelous piece of writing moves me. I crave the moments in a story when the author has decided that this conversation, this exchange, this clash of wills will transcend the characters who experience them. A stellar sentence swells, softens, betrays anger, begs for pity, trembles in fear, turns a cold shoulder, but above all, seizes the reader’s breath. The whole is far greater than the sum of its parts.

When I come across such exemplary works, I bookmark them. I save them to a Notion page. Later, when I feel inspired, I copy them. All artists learn by copying. I remember copying the Gettysburg Address when I was young to understand how a president could get away with saying “that that” in a sentence. English teachers never told me you could do that with “that.”

What follows is my twist on copywork from a piece of text in Mark Twain’s Personal Recollections of Joan of Arc¹. I didn’t even make it into the main body of work. This paragraph is from the translator’s preface:

When we reflect that her century was the brutalist, the wickedest, the rottenest in history since the darkest ages, we are lost in wonder at the miracle of such a product from such a soil. The contrast between her and her century is the contrast between night and day. She was truthful when lying was the common speech of men; she was honest when honesty was become a lost virtue; she was a keeper of promises when the keeping of a promise was expected of no one; she gave her great mind to great thoughts and great purposes when other great minds wasted themselves upon pretty fancies or upon poor ambitions; she was modest, and fine, and delicate when to be loud and course might be said to be universal; she was full of pity when a merciless cruelty was the rule; she was steadfast when stability was unknown, and honorable in an age which had forgotten what honor was; she was a rock of convictions in a time when men believed in nothing and scoffed at all things; she was unfailing true to an age that was false to the core; she maintained her personal dignity unimpaired in an age of fawning and servilities; she was of a dauntless courage when hope and courage had perished in the hearts of her nation; she was spotlessly pure in mind and body when society in the highest places was foul in both—she was all these things in an age when crime was the common business of lords and princes, and when the highest personages in Christendom were able to astonish even that infamous era and make it stand aghast at the spectacle of their atrocious lives black with unimaginable treacheries, butcheries, and beastialities.

Once I’m done copying it word for word, I retype it, but only by glancing at the start of the sentences. If I remember or understand how the sentence carries on, I do my best to write it on my own. If memory eludes me, I copy the sentence again. In this example, I chose to focus on the third sentence.

She was truthful when to lie was the speech of common men; she was honest when honesty had become a lost virtue; she kept her promises when no one expected the keeping of a promise; she gave her great mind to great things and great ideals when other great minds wasted themselves on the petty fancies and trifling ambitions; she was modest, fine, and delicate when the norm was to be loud and coarse; she was full of pity when merciless cruelty was the rule; she was steadfast when stability was unknown, and honorable in an age that forgot what honor looked like; she was a rock of convictions in a time when men believed in nothing and scoffed at all things; she was unfailingly true in a time that was false to its core; she maintained her personal dignity in a time of fawning and servilitude; she was of a dauntless courage when hope and courage could be counted of no man; she was spotlessly pure in a society of foul nature—she was all of these things in an age when crime was the common business of lords and princes, and even the highest personages in Christendom astonished that infamous era and make it stand aghast at the spectacle of their atrocious lives black with treachery, butchery, and bestialities.

After the initial mockery of the text in question, I analyze what makes the individual sentences, or in this case, phrases, click so well, and what my first draft lacks. I also include mistakes that are born of poor memory. Here are my notes from the first take:

1. “Lying” “common speech” weak too much filler
2. “was become”? just pick was or had become. or became “was becoming”?
3. “keeper” nouns, rhythmic
4. “things” bloody atrocious. “Thoughts, purposes” “pretty fancies and poor ambitions”, “upon” each
5. “modest, and fine, and delicate” Slow it down. “To be” universal
6. “A merciless cruelty” a introduces cruelty as a modifier
7. “had forgotten what honor was” looked like is weak
8. nailed it
9. “To an age”. You are unfailingly true TO something. And this is about an AGE. Its, possessive pronoun. Weak.
10. “Unimpaired” AGE. what in god’s green earth is servilitude. Servility or servitude.
11. “hearts of her nation.” Good try though, got the vibe
12. “In mind and body”. When society, but in an age

Some mistakes are those of a beginner. I made up a word. I used a phrase incorrectly. I revert to conversational language instead of written prose.

Other mistakes are technical. For example, always choose strong nouns, then strong verbs, then strong adjectives. When you use strong verbs and adjectives with weak nouns, the emphasis crumbles. “Those blasted imbeciles!” carries much more forward force than “Those blasted people!” because the people carry their own character, rather than being at the mercy of their emotional decorator.

Then, there’s the elusive art of writing. What decisions did the author make that have nothing to do with the rules? For this, I ask you to examine exhibit number 4: “Slow it down.” I’ve written. “She was modest, fine, and delicate” is a perfectly acceptable way to start the phrase. However, the author threw in another unnecessary “and.” Why? Because there is a pace, a rhythm, to the sentence. The extra “and” makes the reader feel the break between the commas, forcing an almost otherworldly respect for each individual attribute. To be of one quality was magnificent, but to be all three required heavenly intervention.

You can see why I enjoy this kind of analysis.

She was truthful when lying was the common speech of men; she was honest when honesty was a lost virtue; she was a keeper of promises when the keeping of a promise was expected of no one; she used her great mind for great thoughts and great purposes when other great minds wasted themselves upon pretty fancies and poor ambitions; she was modest, and fine, and delicate, when loud and coarse might be said to be universal. she showed pity when a merciless cruelty was the rule. she was steadfast when stability was unknown, and honorable in an age that had forgotten what honor was; she was a rock of convictions in a time when men believed in nothing and scoffed at everything; she was unfailingly true to an age that was false at the core; she maintained her personal dignity unimpaired in a society of fawning and servility; she was of dauntless courage when the hearts of her nation had none; she was pure in mind and body when society was foul in both—she was all of these things in an age when crime was the common business of or lords and princes, and even the highest personages in the Christendom were able to astonish even that infamous era and make it stand aghast at the spectacle of their atrocious lives with treachery, butchery, and bestialities.

1. Truth, great
2. Honesty great
3. Promises, awesome
4. Mind, GAVE.
5. “To be” loud
6. “FULL OF” pity. Stronger
7. Steadfast, honorable age WHICH
8. Rock at ALL things
9. True, “TO’ the core, not at
10. Dignity, in an AGE servilities.
11. Courage perishes
12. Purity is spotless, highest places are foul

Now I gave myself cues for the order of attributes along with small notes to write each part of the sentence from the list alone. I still missed some phase constructs and keywords. Men do not scoff “at everything.” They scoff “at all things.” Both are things; only one speaks volumes.

I chose to drop the last part of the sentence too because it didn’t interest me much.

Take 3:

She was truthful when lying was the common speech of men; she was honest when honesty was a lost virtue; she was a keeper of promises when the keeping of promises was expected of no man; she gave her mind to great thoughts and great purposes when other great minds wasted themselves upon pretty fancies and poor ambitions; she was soft, and fine, and delicate, when to be loud and coarse might be said to be universal, she was full of pity when a merciless cruelty was the rule, she was steadfast when stability was unknown, and honorable in an age which had forgotten what honor was; she was a rock of convictions when men believed in nothing and scoffed at everything; she was unfailingly true to an age that was false to the core; she maintained her personal dignity unimpaired in an age of fawning and servilities; she showed dauntless courage when hope and courage had perished in the hearts of her nation; she had spotless purity in mind and body when society in the highest places was foul in both—

1. Truthful good
2. Honesty woo
3. Promise, not (s)
4. mind OR
5. MODEST not soft you dolt.
6. Pity sweet
7. honor
8. Rock IN A TIME, all things.
9. Core sick
10. Dignity oh yeah
11. Courage, like cruelty. Nouns then verbs.
12. Pure, not purity

Do it again.

Take 4:

She was truthful when lying was the common speech of men; she was honest when honesty was a lost virtue; she was a keeper of promises when the keeping of a promise was expected of no one; she gave her great mind to great thoughts and great purposes when other great minds wasted themselves upon pretty fancies or upon poor ambitions; she was modest, and fine, and delicate when to be loud and coarse might be said to be universal; she was full of pity when a merciless cruelty was the rule; she was steadfast when stability was unknown, and honorable in an age that had forgotten what honor was; she was a rock of convictions in a time when men believed in nothing and scoffed at all things; she was unfailing true to an age that was false to the core; she maintained personal dignity unimpaired in age of fawning and servilities; she was of a dauntless courage when hope and courage had perished in the hearts of her nation; she was spotlessly pure in mind and body when society in the highest places was foul in both—

1. honerable age “which” idiot
2. Maintained “her”

And again.

Take 5:

She was truthful when lying was the common speech of men; she was honest when honesty was a lost virtue; she was a keeper of promises when the keeping of a promise was expected of no one; she gave her great mind to great thoughts and great purposes when other great minds wasted themselves upon pretty fancies or upon poor ambitions; she was modest, and fine, and delicate when to be loud and coarse might be said to be universal; she was full of pity when a merciless cruelty was the rule; she was steadfast when stability was unknown, and honorable in an age which had forgotten what honor was; she was a rock of convictions in a time when men believed in nothing and scoffed at all things; she was unfailingly true to an age that was false to the core; she maintained her personal dignity unimpaired in an age of fawning and servilities; she was of a dauntless courage when hope and courage had perished in the hearts of her nation; she was spotlessly pure in mind and body when society in the highest places was foul in both—

And again.

Take 6:

She was truthful when lying was the common speech of men; she was honest when honesty was a lost virtue; she was a keeper of promises when the keeping of a promise was expected of no one; she gave her great mind to great thoughts and great purposes when other great minds wasted themselves upon pretty fancies or upon poor ambitions; she was modest, and fine, and delicate when to be loud and coarse might be said to be universal; she was full of pity when a merciless cruelty was the rule; she was steadfast when stability was unknown, and honorable in an age which had forgotten what honor was; she was a rock of convictions in a time when men believed in nothing and scoffed at all things; she was unfailingly true to an age that was false to the core; she maintained her personal dignity unimpaired in an age of fawning and servilities; she was of a dauntless courage when hope and courage had perished in the hearts of her nation; she was spotlessly pure in mind and body when society in the highest places was foul in both—

And I’m done.

In a week’s time, I doubt I will recite this paragraph verbatim. But if I’m asked what I know of Joan of Arc, I could rattle off a couple of phrases. Out of order, most certainly. All I desire is that the next time I write, each word I choose means more because my subconscious makes use of the lessons learned here. Nobody’s first draft is perfect, but the quality of one’s first draft is a reflection of his or her fundamental writing skill.

1. This book should fall under the genre of “historical fiction.” It’s a story written by a fiction author using well-known resources that document Joan of Arc’s life. However, I can’t get a read on how authentic it is. It’s like the difference between a biography and an autobiography. One is an attempt at pure facts from an outsider’s perspective, the other is facts tainted by personal bias. Only in this case, critics say that it’s Twain’s personal bias about Catholicism combined with a random fascination for Joan of Arc injected into an autobiographical format via a fictional person close to her. Some think it blows her way out of proportion. Others think his version may be closer to the truth than they’d like to admit.